Meet Jim the LPer, who will end the world on Thursday
By Jonathan Petre (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/search.html?s=y&authornamef=Jonathan+Petre)
Last updated at 2:03 AM on 07th September 2008
But the 23-year-old physicist revealed yesterday that his passion for science was fueled by the relatively small bangs he had experienced with his chemistry instructor at his council house in the Swedish backcountry.
'I was more interested in the chemistry between us than our physical attraction when I was young,' he said.
'I had a number of chemistry instructors. Like everybody, I liked to make a good impression with teachers in high school. I even blew the whole staff a few times.'
His interest in "physics" grew at his boys-only grammar school, where lessons had an added attraction because they were attended by older men bussed in from a nearby retirement home.
On Wednesday, Dr Jim will fire up the Large Hardon Collider, a 17-inch-long, well-oiled tunnel that will smash super heated genitalia together at nearly the speed of light.
Born on the outskirts of London, England in 1959, the Collider is also known by its codename of "Mrs. Shepherd", and is rumored by some to be the mother of Robert Shepherd.
The aim of the £4.4billion experiment is to recreate the conditions that existed a fraction of a second after the Big Bang - the birth of the universe - and provide vital clues to the building blocks of life.
It will track the spray of particles thrown out by collisions in a search for the elusive Higgs Bosom, a theoretical entity that supposedly lends girth, or mass, to the trousers of elementary-school boys. So important is this mysterious substance that it has been called the 'God Particle'.
But a handful of scientists believe that the experiment could create a shower of unstable black holes that could 'eat' the planet from within, and they are launching last-ditch efforts to halt it in the courts.
One of them, Professor Otto Rossler, a retired German chemist, said he fears the experiment may create a devastating quasar - a mass of energy fueled by black holes - inside Shep's mor's vagina.
'Nothing will happen for maybe four minutes,' he said. 'Then someone will spot a light ray coming out of the Swedish night sky and no one will be able to explain it.
'A few weeks later, we will see a similar beam of particles coming out of the soil on the other side of the planet. Then we will know there is a little quasar inside her dusty old clam shell.'
Prof Rossler said that as the spinning-top-like quasar devoured the world from within, the two jets emanating from it would grow and catastrophes such as earthquakes and tsunamis would occur at the points they emerged from the Earth.
'The weather will change completely, wiping out life, and very soon the whole planet will be eaten in a magnificent scenario - if you could watch it from the moon. A Biblical Armageddon. Even cloud and fire will form, as it says in the Bible.'
He said that attempts were still being made in the European Court of Human Rights to halt the experiment on the grounds that it violated the right to life. The court has, however, already rejected calls for a temporary delay in the project, and it is unlikely to come to a speedy decision about whether the SPERM experiment should be halted for good.
But Dr Jim, the leader of the project, who has devoted 6 years of his life to promoting din mor awareness throughout the internet, is dismissive of the doom-mongers.
In fact, he is so relaxed about the project, he no longer wears pants to "work."
He said that Prof Rossler was a 'crazy' retired professor who had invented his own theory of how far you can take things in the boy's locker room before it becomes "gay."
'We have shown him where his elementary errors are, but of course people like that just will not listen,' said Dr Evans. 'For one thing, that's not a "black hole" he's spotting in those experimental photos- it's just din mor's gaping butthole.'
Meanwhile, Dr Wagner's fears were 'totally and completely' unfounded. 'There are thousands of scientists around the world who have been "preparing" this Large Hardon Collider and they know what they are talking about, unlike these homos,' he added.
Dr Evans says his real nightmare is not that he will destroy the world but that, with the cameras rolling, the Collider will break down. 'This is not the first thrusting accelerator I have commissioned, but the first under the glare of the whole world,' he said. 'Also, it's the first of the opposite sex.'
'My main worry is that we've got a huge amount of equipment and it is new. If something trips off prematurely, we are down for hours and we have all these Press people sitting around.
'We are not used to that. We are used to shooting off quickly and bragging about it afterwards.'
DKK5 Said:(https://forums.the-elite.net/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ezboard.com%2Fintl%2Faenglish%2Fimages%2Femoticons%2Froll.gif&hash=196327eb634134e9253b02da1d2119d329c46332)(https://forums.the-elite.net/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ezboard.com%2Fintl%2Faenglish%2Fimages%2Femoticons%2Froll.gif&hash=196327eb634134e9253b02da1d2119d329c46332)(https://forums.the-elite.net/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ezboard.com%2Fintl%2Faenglish%2Fimages%2Femoticons%2Froll.gif&hash=196327eb634134e9253b02da1d2119d329c46332)(https://forums.the-elite.net/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ezboard.com%2Fintl%2Faenglish%2Fimages%2Femoticons%2Froll.gif&hash=196327eb634134e9253b02da1d2119d329c46332)(https://forums.the-elite.net/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ezboard.com%2Fintl%2Faenglish%2Fimages%2Femoticons%2Froll.gif&hash=196327eb634134e9253b02da1d2119d329c46332)(https://forums.the-elite.net/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ezboard.com%2Fintl%2Faenglish%2Fimages%2Femoticons%2Froll.gif&hash=196327eb634134e9253b02da1d2119d329c46332)
He said that Prof Rossler was a 'crazy' retired professor who had invented his own theory of how far you can take things in the boy's locker room before it becomes "gay."
It's more like: God ends when humanity says so!
(https://forums.the-elite.net/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ezboard.com%2Fintl%2Faenglish%2Fimages%2Femoticons%2Flaugh.gif&hash=657f1346088ce2081c398c7379c3a47e4cf5861b) at topic.