The Elite Forum
Nonsense Time => FFA => Topic started by: RWG on October 14, 2015, 01:01:34 am
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Hey mates,
No one is really too upset, nor has any real controversy been ongoing, but I know I've been a huge asshole on the forum and twitch chats for the past week or two now. I know most of you can brush it off as "goose being goose" but I do feel like a dick when I really get in one of these moods. I'm just pretty depressed atm and this is how I cope. The last time I went through a phase like this was summer 2014 just after Streets 1:54 (crashing down after that high sucked) and I started "trolling" r/speedrun "maliciously." I'm acting like as big a dickwad now as I did back then, taking it out on you guys unnecessarily.
Just wanted to say sorry to anyone I've upset or offended, apologize for my excessive shitposting, and really just give a preemptive heads up that I'm likely to continue being an asshole for an indefinite amount of time right now.
Thanks to you all for being there for me for 10 years now and putting up with my never changing bullshit. You really are all wonderful people :)
Kind regards friends,
Ryan "The Vicar of the Speedrun Realm" "Goose" White
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It's all good dude. Posting this is a good start to helping yourself move past it.
Just play for fun, chill, and have a good time! :)
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Long live the elite.
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Sorry to hear that man, I appreciate your honesty as im sure many others here do as well. I hope things turn around for you soon, I think you're a cool dude and I hate seeing my friends down on themselves. Keep ur head up my man
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Hope it all gets better, I've been in the same boat lately so I understand. Nice to see you make a post about stuff like this though, it's a good step forward for sure.
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It's all fine and dandy, I've learned to deal with it over time. I think most speedrunners can relate to depression. I've had it on and off since I was 13 years old at least. It's just annoying how nothing changes. Nine years ago I was posting to this forum, depressed, hating life, wondering when things were going to change. Eight years ago I was posting to this forum, depressed, hating life, wondering when things were going to change. Five years ago I was posting to this forum, depressed, hating life, wondering when things were going to change. The same old story just repeats itself and even though you keep trying to change things in your life, there's one thing that never changes. Yourself.
If I had an extra $100k and was getting regular pussy, things would be all good. Or at least I'd be out of things to blame for my problems and more ready to face my real problem... myself. It's annoying knowing that if I stayed streaming from summer 2014 and didn't go back to college, I might be in a better position than I am now... but maybe in 5 years having gone to college will have resulted in a better position. Who knows. Anyways, it's not abnormal to feel lost and shitty in your mid 20s, especially in this day and age. Just shitty seeing my friends all somehow affording $2500 apartments downtown, seemingly happy. The same way it was shitty seeing everyone getting laid when they were 17, seemingly happy, while I had to wait another 5 years before I got any. I just feel retarded. I mean that's the definition of retarded... late, slow.
I'm alive and well though, that's what matters the most. I guess.
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One day at a time man.
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Observing your long-term behaviour here, it is clear that you switch between several states over time:
- extremely euphoric, productive, entertaining, wanna change the world and the elite for the better, friends with everyone
- obnoxious, megalomaniac to the fullest, devious, instigating, goosing
- inactive, probably doing rl stuff, making a few reasonable posts
- depressed, posting about irrelevance and failure
I'd say those episodes last 1-2 months on average (someone should analyze your browsing history for a definite answer, as an uni project or something). Now I don't have any psychological education, but I think it's save to say that your personality is unstable to some extend with maybe weak but clear signs of the well-known alternation between mania, depression, and intermediate states. Maybe a very mild form of bipolar disorder (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder) or cyclothymia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyclothymia) (read the articles and tell me that some sections are not a look in the mirror). Since Canada has a decent healthcare system, why don't you go and consult a medical expert about it? That's nothing to be ashamed of in 2015 and I do believe that modern medicine can get you back on track with moderate means (especially b/c your problem is quite common I think).