The Elite Forum

Nonsense Time => FFA => Topic started by: DYM on December 13, 2016, 11:11:06 am

Title: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on December 13, 2016, 11:11:06 am
A lot of people don't hear the news lately so I'm going to mention all the notable daily happenings in this thread via The Daily AceCorp Times newspaper headlines. If you have time, feel free to read the full articles. However a one-time subscription fee is required that can be enquired via Discord.

12/13/2016:

- David Clemens gets fastest known GE any% RTA split at Frigate with a time of 6:16, run dies due to bad FR spot
- 3 days later, people are still in shock about Jezz's immaculate 4s Deep Sea PA untied
- Perfect Dark considered a side game in Awards Thread, causes Elite-wide outcry
- No post in GE forum for almost 3 days, could this be the end of GoldenEye 007 speedrunning?
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on December 14, 2016, 10:26:41 am
12/14/2016:


- Boss nabs another PD LTK untied, could the first Chuck Norris award finally be given?
- Latest GE stats post causes a stir on Elite Boards & Discord
- Rumors spread that a Kapap3 is in the works, reports show that ragequit is the project leader
- New strategy that saves over a second on Deep Sea PA discovered after 3:02, Jezz furious
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on December 15, 2016, 12:26:52 pm
12/15/2016:

- Maian Agent 1:35 tops Aceboard chart for hottest record on rankings
- Snapchat overtakes Discord as Elite's favourite app with new group chat feature
- Streets 1:12 Legend Lockwood graduates from college with 3.9 GPA
- Boss continues LTK spree and smashes Rescue LTK WR
- Luke Szklarz fired from work after not showing up for second day in a row - "I was too engrossed in the Clemens GE any% stream to do anything else"
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: deletedprofile.u on December 15, 2016, 06:35:12 pm
- Snapchat overtakes Discord as Elite's favourite app with new group chat feature

m8 where's the invite  :nesquik:
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on December 16, 2016, 09:29:30 am
12/16/2016:

- Clemens' becomes 3rd player ever to crack elusive 22 barrier in GE any%
- "We've reached levels of cooked frozen that shouldn't be possible" (https://i.gyazo.com/3318f88941466169700be3f202e398e4.png) - read how severe weather conditions have hindered several Eliters from streaming
- G5 guru Swiss hints at running GE any% and 100%
- Ryan White suffers meltdown over inclusion in latest NEET award
- Pants on Fire claim! Ryan White incorrectly states Austin instigated Attack Ship 2:06 drama
- A phone with an immortal battery? (https://i.gyazo.com/043803ec482dc9d3d5fd3a15966fb564.png) You would probably want one too
- Eric Bond shocks entire world with incredible lifelike sketches
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: flukey lukey on December 16, 2016, 10:51:02 am
The dog drawing is a beauty
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on December 16, 2016, 11:15:13 am
Reminder there are articles written for these headlines with a lot of interesting details added. You don't want to miss out, so subscribe now! It's only a one-time fee!
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Spec on December 16, 2016, 05:26:03 pm
- Pants on Fire claim! Ryan White incorrectly states Austin instigated Attack Ship 2:06 drama

FAKE NEWS

On Discord, me and Goose were some of the strong defenders that Chuya's run didn't earn the "proven" status in the first place, and that "oh but there's a video" is a 2013 quality whore fallacy, which I already explained months of posts ago (which isn't the point of this post atm).

Whenever the point was brought up on discord, which lead to irrelevant minor discussions with the likes of Tyler and the typical safe space crew, there was one common denominator: AUSTIN would be firing the fuck out of this. Either he was doing the same "wow the elite is toxic again omg so much drama" bullshit, or he would be discussing with me.

That WOULD be fine, until he blabbered that he didn't even know how the ending worked (the ending's length range based on random factors). So of all the moments Attack Ship was a thing on discord, 90% of it, no exaggeration, was Austin firing the fuck out of it not only with the regular "wow so drama", but without even a tiny bit of knowledge about its basic concepts.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: harambe on December 21, 2016, 08:23:35 am
12/21/2016:

- Karl's Crash Site Perfect Agent untied smashed by Boss in shocking new OoB discovery
- Why do degenerates sleep late? (guest article written by Prof. Jonathan Hotinski)
- Temperatures soar to -16C leaving streams uninhabitable
- The Great Bubble Escapade - watch how bubbles effervescing for hours left Jezz in awe and generated a captivating snap story
- Planning to have your kids run GoldenEye? Here's what you should name them, based on the rank of players with the same names
- Daniel Coelho succumbs to Corporate Drone life - former mustache maestro hasn't been seen on Discord in days
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on December 24, 2016, 04:06:04 am
12/24/2016:

- at least 6 suffer heart attack as StreamBot reveals 7 (seven) second Boss untied on Discord
- Keen aussies Luke & Jono meet up for Christmas shopping and corporate drone spotting marathon
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: harambe on December 29, 2016, 04:03:11 am
I'm pleased to announce Karl Jobst has written an excellent guest article on my newspaper about something pertinent to yesterday's poll. If you still haven't voted, I highly recommend you read this article before you do:

(https://i.gyazo.com/91a74e71c76e25d4c66856dde1496198.png)
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: harambe on December 29, 2016, 08:37:45 am
SHOCKING DISCOVERY:

- Perfect Dark community unrelated to Elite discovered by Flicker only hours after intense JAP race
http://pdlabo.knowhow.jp/pdwr.php
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: harambe on December 31, 2016, 01:40:25 am
12/31/2016:

- Boss does it again - major new Skedar Ruins breakthrough rips SA/PA records with potential to save 4s on each difficulty
- Happy New Year Eve's from the staff at the AceCorp Times - what are your plans?
- AGDQ17 is just days away - here's what you should expect
- RTA In Japan: Sakuya confirmed to be player in SARS mask
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on January 21, 2017, 11:26:22 pm
1/22/2017:

- The American Dream: Szklarz wins lottery in Minnesota and buys a mansion in LA on his first day
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Rigger in Chief on January 22, 2017, 02:44:58 am
1/22/2017

The largest single protest in United States history occurs, blowing out the million man march of the 1960s.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Spec on January 22, 2017, 01:26:43 pm
1/22/2017

Another leftist protest becomes a total joke and laughing stock for the other millions of individuals who stayed at home. "Protests" continue to have less and less credibility among governments that recently elected a candidate from the opposition.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: RWG on January 22, 2017, 01:34:30 pm
1/22/2017

Millions of women who have the right to vote, drive, wear what they want, get an education, get a divorce, own property, go out alone, get birth control, pursue any career of their choosing, choose whom they marry or date, with resources to get help if abused, who are safe from female genital mutilation, who win 9/10 custody battles, are far less likely to commit suicide than men and much less likely to be a victim of combat death; protest about being "oppressed."

They remain silent about countries where women are not afforded the same inalienable rights however.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: deletedprofile.u on January 22, 2017, 03:07:47 pm
1/22/2017

Millions of women who have the right to vote, drive, wear what they want, get an education, get a divorce, own property, go out alone, get birth control, pursue any career of their choosing, choose whom they marry or date, with resources to get help if abused, who are safe from female genital mutilation, who win 9/10 custody battles, are far less likely to commit suicide than men and much less likely to be a victim of combat death; protest about being "oppressed."

They remain silent about countries where women are not afforded the same inalienable rights however.

I can see the point you're getting at, but the suicide point is moot. Less females die by suicide than men simply because they use less violent means than males do.

Just splitting hairs here.  ;)
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Grav on January 22, 2017, 03:18:42 pm
that's because men attempt suicide to actually die and women "attempt" suicide for attention
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Rigger in Chief on January 22, 2017, 03:22:15 pm
1/22/2017

Millions of women who have the right to vote, drive, wear what they want, get an education, get a divorce, own property, go out alone, get birth control, pursue any career of their choosing, choose whom they marry or date, with resources to get help if abused, who are safe from female genital mutilation, who win 9/10 custody battles, are far less likely to commit suicide than men and much less likely to be a victim of combat death; protest about being "oppressed."

They remain silent about countries where women are not afforded the same inalienable rights however.

Once again you missed the entire point of the march. The main point of the protest was that we would not support a limitation on abortions, will not support a repeal of the aca which has allowed millions of women affordable birth control, and that simply because donald trump won the election, we are not to be forgotten about. The main point was to not go BACKWARDS. Not that they are oppressed
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Spec on January 22, 2017, 03:52:52 pm
But muh "right" to kill babies is a "right" muh feminism
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: OHMSS on January 22, 2017, 05:05:15 pm
But muh "right" to kill babies is a "right" muh feminism

You could at least compose a not completely irrel post if you really want to open this can of worms!

@Grav: Wow bold statement, but I think there is truth to it.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: deletedprofile.u on January 22, 2017, 06:34:35 pm
that's because men attempt suicide to actually die and women "attempt" suicide for attention

@Grav: Wow bold statement, but I think there is truth to it.

Yes, a bold and completely moronic statement. If you truly believe that, then there's no helping you.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: OHMSS on January 22, 2017, 06:43:44 pm
.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Grav on January 22, 2017, 06:49:51 pm
Yes, a bold and completely moronic statement. If you truly believe that, then there's no helping you.

I know it feels good to wade in your mental kiddy pool of naive leftist beliefs where men and women are TOTALLY THE SAME, but reality still is reality whether you are aware enough to see it or not.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: deletedprofile.u on January 22, 2017, 08:45:32 pm
Why do you say left as though it's a bad thing? I'm sorry I care about the well-being of others and have an understanding; a connection with other's attempts at suicide, male and female. I'm a certified mental health first-aider, I speak with people commonly about these sorts of issues on a regular basis.

I never stated that men and women are the same, you're misquoting me. What I've said is that statistically, females die by suicide LESS than males because of the means used. You can't speak for their mental capacity or intentions. You're acting like an ignorant mutt. I'll see myself out of this idiot discussion, seeing as justifying myself isn't going to help your perspective at all.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: deletedprofile.u on January 22, 2017, 08:47:04 pm
1/22/2017:

The-Elite forums continue to cause cancer in readers everywhere!  :nesquik:
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Rigger in Chief on January 24, 2017, 02:52:41 am
1/23/2017

President Donald Trump signs executive order leaving the Transpacific Partnership
President Donald Trump sued by ethics watchdog for violations of the emoluments clause
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Rigger in Chief on January 24, 2017, 08:44:25 pm
1/24/2017

President Trump signs executive order, restarting the construction of the Dakota Access Pipeline and Keystone XL Pipeline, once again putting important aquifers and native american lands at risk

President Trump still won't let go the false claim that millions of illegals voted in the election
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Grav on January 24, 2017, 09:44:47 pm
-pipelines reported to be literally the safest current method of transporting oil
-democrats continue being distracted by hand wringing over trump tweets and """controversies""" instead of organizing and formulating a winning message, guaranteeing the loss of several more dem seats in the 2018 elections
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on January 25, 2017, 12:51:06 am
Every time I make a healthy, amusing thread it gets polluted into a toxic politics debate zone by easily-triggered Grav and his fidgety, uncivilized gang. Why can't you guys just keep your crap elsewhere, please? You people have literally ruined my healthy news thread, as you did with the Trudeau one amongst many others.

I am genuinely amazed people can tolerate this guy at meets. If you know it's dumb to discuss politics in the AGDQ hotel room with the more relevant Eliters then know it's stupid to do so in threads like these built for Elite humor. Both of you please - find a job. You're talented. You shouldn't waste your time with this nonsense, fuckfags.

Hopefully none of you get triggered by this post and waste away more time replying to it, but simply understand my point and walk away from this thread. Cheers.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Rigger in Chief on January 25, 2017, 03:41:14 am
To be fair I'm the one who posted the political news first. Sorry m8
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on January 25, 2017, 03:57:23 am
You just posted a one-line healthy politics statement, which also happens to be a fact. That's completely fine. No big deal. But watch how it triggered 3 mega-right Eliters after and caused a needless debate. Not your fault mate, don't worry.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: RWG on January 25, 2017, 04:34:38 am
Ban Austin from the forum.  He ruined this thread.  Grav is obliged to respond as a defender of the western world.  Austin began a jihad against this thread and now he's won.  OUT OUT OUT!
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Grav on January 25, 2017, 02:56:55 pm
oh no my thread on the board specifically dedicated to shitposting got ruined by... shitposting!!!!

I HATE YOU!!!! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE  :mad:  :mad:  :mad:
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Grav on January 25, 2017, 02:59:50 pm
Quote
You just posted a one-line healthy politics statement, which also happens to be a fact.

Every statement I posted is 100% true btw
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Grav on January 25, 2017, 03:04:35 pm
Actually I just had an epiphany. Ace dislikes seeing political views he doesn't agree with but that isn't why he's mad at me. Goose posted plenty of stuff but Ace didn't seem to care about it until I posted. This pattern has increased in frequency as time has gone on.

Ace has realized that I am the new life of the boards, making more relevant threads than him by far and creating both the best meaningful community discussion and the best on-topic funposting. He sees me steering the-elite towards greatness and cant comprehend how some new person can achieve this. Ace takes his anger out on me because of his confusion, but I forgive him.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Hypnotoad on January 25, 2017, 03:06:01 pm
that's because men attempt suicide to actually die and women "attempt" suicide for attention

ATTN Eliters, the above is now 100% scientifically proven TRUTH btw
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Rigger in Chief on January 25, 2017, 04:09:37 pm
1/25/2017

DOW closes over 20,000 for the first time in history
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: RWG on January 25, 2017, 04:51:25 pm
Hypnotoad is such a virtue signaller it's actually adorable.  I bet his "omg Trump is so bad!" memes get 10 likes on his Facebook.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: T+ on January 25, 2017, 05:12:59 pm
we are not to be forgotten about. The main point was to not go BACKWARDS. Not that they are oppressed

who is we
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Taylor on January 25, 2017, 06:47:33 pm
American psychiatrist M. Scott Peck on the other hand, describes evil as militant ignorance. The original Judeo-Christian concept of sin is as a process that leads one to miss the mark and not achieve perfection. Peck argues that while most people are conscious of this at least on some level, those that are evil actively and militantly refuse this consciousness. Peck describes evil as a malignant type of self-righteousness which results in a projection of evil onto selected specific innocent victims (often children or other people in relatively powerless positions). Peck considers those he calls evil to be attempting to escape and hide from their own conscience (through self-deception) and views this as being quite distinct from the apparent absence of conscience evident in sociopaths.

According to Peck, an evil person:

    Is consistently self-deceiving, with the intent of avoiding guilt and maintaining a self-image of perfection
    Deceives others as a consequence of their own self-deception
    Psychologically projects his or her evils and sins onto very specific targets, scapegoating those targets while treating everyone else normally ("their insensitivity toward him was selective")
    Commonly hates with the pretense of love, for the purposes of self-deception as much as the deception of others
    Abuses political or emotional power ("the imposition of one's will upon others by overt or covert coercion")
    Maintains a high level of respectability and lies incessantly in order to do so
    Is consistent in his or her sins. Evil people are defined not so much by the magnitude of their sins, but by their consistency (of destructiveness)
    Is unable to think from the viewpoint of their victim
    Has a covert intolerance to criticism and other forms of narcissistic injury

He also considers certain institutions may be evil, as his discussion of the My Lai Massacre and its attempted coverup illustrate. By this definition, acts of criminal and state terrorism would also be considered evil.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: deletedprofile.u on January 25, 2017, 11:50:47 pm
bad cop no donut, stop posting.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on January 31, 2017, 03:30:06 am
1/31/2017:

- Jimbo clutches Jungle 0:51 in luckbox run to regain 7th spot in keen rivalry with Goose
- history made as first female points achieved in GoldenEye, 17 years after game's release
- corrupt game screws top player out of good time (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoqnnjcV1TA)
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Jimbo on January 31, 2017, 07:47:00 am
Man my run was clutch as hell, only lucky part was boost after final drone m8
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on January 31, 2017, 08:08:23 am
THIS JUST IN:

- Karl announces he is leaving the elite

(https://i.gyazo.com/56075f9e2007f637379f56e5830bb206.png)

We'll keep you updated as we get more info.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: RWG on January 31, 2017, 08:17:28 am
yeah this is big news actually, I was shocked to hear this message

but when a good friend leaves, you let him.  Not all birds are meant to be caged.  If you truly love something, let it go, etc.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on January 31, 2017, 09:02:35 am
Man my run was clutch as hell, only lucky part was boost after final drone m8
My ass it was! That lucky boost which shouldn't have happened was what saved you and shows you're *still* not a 0:51 player. Like, this is not a generic 0:51 nor does it indicate 0:51 OCB. Slow cave, bad line to ladder, stuck on guard, backed by drone and missed out a potential GL boost at end. I honestly think if you fixed your 2nd half and had PAL, you'd have a reasonably good chance at 0:50. Then again, that could be said for many players.. maybe I am being too critical here but look at your bold comment Jim!  Your run was NOT clutch damnit!
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: deletedprofile.u on January 31, 2017, 09:17:56 am
Maybe it just shows how attainable 51 is.  :v :v

Also WTF Ace. 1:55 100% there. Shame.  :(
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on January 31, 2017, 11:03:27 am
1/31/2017:

- Swiss consistently refuses to stream, becomes Elite's biggest turncoat and wins "Turncoat Of January 2017" Award
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on February 04, 2017, 06:06:06 am
4/02/2017:

- Austin Perroux makes history as youngest Eliter accepted into grad school
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: RWG on February 04, 2017, 08:41:51 pm
Cervone probably was accepted at a younger age.

Hard to believe Austin has already completed 3.5 years of undergraduate studies though.  Insane to think, based on some of the things he was saying in my Twitch chat in 2014, that he was able to get passing grades at any accredited post-secondary institution in the United States.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: OHMSS on February 05, 2017, 07:33:18 am
Congratulations Austin! Not trying to belittle your achievement, but genuinely interested: was being homosexual helpful during the admission process because unis don't wanna risk discrimination lawsuits? :v
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Rigger in Chief on February 05, 2017, 01:41:48 pm
Congratulations Austin! Not trying to belittle your achievement, but genuinely interested: was being homosexual helpful during the admission process because unis don't wanna risk discrimination lawsuits? :v

Shit I shoulda applied to MIT and said I'd contribute to the diversity of the campus by being a raging faggot. FUCK
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: deletedprofile.u on February 06, 2017, 11:34:42 pm
Congrats to JIMBO on his engagement! I guess you could say he's now one of the

big boy attendees

:nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik:
:nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik:
:nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik:

                                                big boy attendees

:nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik:
:nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik:
:nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik: :nesquik: big boy attendees :nesquik:
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: RWG on February 13, 2017, 06:22:55 pm
Feb 13, 2017

(https://i.gyazo.com/90662ad8238111212a20f5e0a1d85cbe.png)

Boss admits he is "dabbing" in Dam 52, rocketing from off the radar to becoming the huge favourite to be the person who unties 52.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: Grav on February 13, 2017, 08:08:36 pm
the 15th anniversary of boss untying 53 is this september. would be cooked as fuck if he did it again
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on February 14, 2017, 12:51:25 am
He won't.
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: RWG on February 14, 2017, 12:58:40 am
wow, that might be the most negative post in the history of the elite
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on March 18, 2017, 11:43:12 am
BREAKING:

DANIEL PARKER OFFICIALLY ENDORSES NIKE, BECOMES 2ND ELITER TO DO SO

(https://i.gyazo.com/bcf65e3a627d12465491cfdea1ea2774.png)
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on April 27, 2017, 03:40:10 am
oi did you read the news

(https://i.gyazo.com/658db753dffe25a2a69e63f0173df8a0.png)
Title: Re: *** The News Thread ***
Post by: DYM on November 12, 2017, 11:56:03 am
11/12/2017:

- "Sistine Chapel of PD", AF1 1:18, shattered by Karl Jobst in Freak Luck Run (FLR)