The Elite Forum
Nonsense Time => FFA => Topic started by: my man on July 18, 2017, 10:07:16 pm
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So the other day, I went to my favorite game store to check for original N64 controllers with good sticks. I find a grey one with a 8-9/10 stick, I get it. I leave it in the plastic bag for a day.
I finally pull it out and, having noticed some residue, I prepped a washcloth to clean it. As I'm cleaning this controller, I am overwhelmed by the smell of ass. It starts smelling worse and worse, so I take a good sniff, and as I'm looking as this faded residue, I realized:
Somebody Wiped Their Ass With An N64 controller, Put It In A Plastic Bag, And I Bought It For $30.
Upon taking a closer look at it, vague smears all over the controller were visible.
I had a hard time deciding what to do, since it was an 8-9/10 stick. Since I cleaned it after the discovery, I had destroyed the evidence (although there's probably still a tiny amount of poodoo in the seams,) however I would expect no one to believe a story like this as I realize the perp had committed what on the surface seems like the perfect crime. I'll be damned.
I called them today and spoke with the guy I regularly see and told him about it. The following recording is that phone call, and to the point, for everyone's entertainment:
The moral of this story is: when buying a used controller, you may want to smell it first.
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You really got the shit end of the stick.
Dude on the phone seemed to be pretty speechless and no idea how to handle a situation like that. Honestly a little surprised you didn't return it! Are the PB's worth the hepatitis?
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Are the PB's worth the hepatitis?
sure, especially if they birdiebop :nesquik:
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He probably didn't just wipe his ass on it, he likely shoved one of the knobs up his ass. Perhaps it was a girl or a guy using it on a girl, trying the "N64 shocker" method.
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I was in Paris recently and stumbled upon a second-hand game store which offered a controller with a near-perfect stick for 20 bucks but stained with dirt and sweat. The street and store and all the people there were so disgusting, I just had to leave without a purchase.
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The street and store and all the people there were so disgusting, I just had to leave without a purchase.
Give it twenty years, and a couple beers maybe, and that controller's gonna be looking pretty alright. we're gonna be the addicts outside trying to get whatever we can lol. I think the manufacturer of those metal sticks has a moral obligation now: the prevention of pinkeye and harm from filthy communities.