The Elite Forum
The Big Three Plus One => GoldenEye 007 => Topic started by: RWG on January 28, 2020, 12:00:09 am
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Hello. It’s me.
This is my first post here in over a year. And I’ve long thought about what I should post, or say, in regards to my absence. I could probably have just quietly started posting again, and perhaps it’d have been best to leave the past in the past. But I wanted to address my 1+ year absence head on and not gloss over why I’ve been gone. And also, why I’m back and what I want to achieve in 2020 and beyond.
As succinctly as I can put it… I fucked up. Majorly. I was an idiot, and I said/wrote a lot of idiotic things. Not just things between 2016-2018 on Discord, which were unacceptable and have no place in a healthy society, but well before that too. I’d bully people here in the community, cause controversy for the sake of my own entertainment, and just overall be a toxic moron who could not have been pleasant to have around or deal with. I’d been pulling crap like that for as long as we can remember, on this very forum. I disregarded the peace & harmony of others for the ability to say or write whatever passed through my mind at any given time, without any regard for consequences. And there were consequences, as there are in the real world.
I was punished for my heedlessness. Permabanned from GDQ events. Discord account disabled. Banned from r/speedrun. Removed from the-elite council. Twitch partnership removed. Unknowable financial loss & stunted growth. I'm not listing these off for any sympathy. This is what happened. I got what was coming to me. And to be honest, I deserved it all. Please don't reply saying that it was excessive or bullshit, or justifying or defending my idiocy. I deserved it all.
I know that over the years, I’ve chased some people away from this community, or made others feel less comfortable, or contributed directly to lesser enjoyment of this community. And no, just because I also brought a lot of people into the community does not justify it or negate those I caused to leave. I have a lot of bridges to mend and a lot of olive branches to send out. I know an apology is only as good as the actions that come after it; and I hope that my actions over the past year will at least serve as a promise and an example of how I’ve been moving forward in a positive & healthy way.
I was not banned from these very forums, and could have posted at anytime over the past year. But I took a step back for more self reflection and learning. And I’ve learned and reflected a lot, to say the least. In that, I realized what’s truly important to me when it comes to this corner of the world; and that’s sharing remarkable stories of achievement & human spirit with the world. Stories that deserve to be told, celebrated, and are inspiring.
Tyrion Lannister said it best. What unites people? Not armies or gold or flags, but stories. “There’s nothing in the world more powerful than a good story. Nothing can stop it. No enemy can defeat it.” And for all my very real flaws, I do know that I have skill as a storyteller. The last year+ has taught me that I must wield this skill responsibly, and use it only to unite people. To bridge gaps, shrink differences, and at least try to make the world a better place. Every day when you wake up, you have a choice to make… do you want to try to make the world a little bit better? Or a little bit worse? And over the past year+, I know which one I’ve chosen.
Without a sense of direction, or clearly set values, it can be easy to get lost, spin around in circles aimlessly; and doing that inevitably leads to idiocy, hubris, or other chaos. Over the past year, I’ve written down values that I choose to follow every day, in the context of my storytelling work, and beyond in my personal life.
Celebrate the amazing achievements of others.
Elevate the feats & efforts of the deserving.
Empathize with the unique quests & journeys of all.
Motivate those feeling down & lost towards betterment.
Inspire others to attempt & achieve greatness.
These values give me a sense of direction, and in all my work over the past year, if these values were not at the core of a story or video, I wouldn’t make that video. This is why I no longer make videos “exposing” someone for cheating, or asking if a run should be BANNED & REMOVED, or so on and so forth, despite these being some of the most lucrative videos in this niche. These values, the “CEEMI” values, are what I will put forward into this world, for as long as I may live; whether that’s one year or fifty years.
This may sound cliche… it is cliche, but it’s true. And I will repeat it because I know how easy it can be to forget this when you spend too much time sitting behind a computer screen… The world needs less bullshit, vitriol, controversy and hate... the world needs more love, kindness, compassion, celebration, elevation, empathy, motivation and inspiration.
And that’s partly why I’m back here. I know many of you returned to viewing & enjoying SpeedLore over 2019. There were some good episodes and I feel I did a decent job; but there’s only so much I can put together and research, working entirely alone. I know there were gaps or missed pieces that would have made these stories even better. By tossing around topics & brainstorming with you all, SpeedLore Season 4 can be the best yet. (I hope to make a post soon about the upcoming January 2020 episode). Not only that, but 2020 is going to be a huge year in the-elite. PD’s 1:27:00 barrier will fall. GoldenEye’s 1:11:00, possibly the final barrier, will fall. Attack Ship Agent 2:06, the community’s Longest Standing Untied ever, will be matched or improved. And who knows what will happen in between. These are stories that deserve to be told & celebrated; stories that can inspire, motivate & elevate others. And stories for which we will do justice, sharing & empathizing with the quests of those on their own journeys.
And even beyond that, there are other stories being told. The stories of our lives. Stories of dreams, goals, journeys, love, heartbreak, mistakes, failures, redemption, successes, family, friends, peace, conflict, health, illness, spirituality, nature…. And all that makes us humans cohabiting this planet.
The world is generally a good place, and only getting better. It can be easy to forget that when you get lost, listening to ragebait & hatemongers who only serve to paint the “others” as the most ridiculous, extreme versions possible; selling false promises & debunked ideas. But please, don’t listen to these people. I stopped consuming that kind of bullshit content about a year and a half ago, and every aspect of my life has been better for it. We have more in common than things that make us different. And focusing on what brings us together can help all sorts of people overcome even the biggest of differences. From what I’ve seen, certainly over the last 6+ months, the-elite has been the most united and positive place it’s ever been. And I truly believe that the best is yet to come.
All the best, and here's to a remarkable 2020 and beyond,
Ryan White “Goose”
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Epic post, probably an all time #1 on the forum. It's not easy to say something like what you did, and god knows that with the way I reacted to the GDQ related stuff (and beyond) maybe I should be writing something similar myself but it's honestly great to see you find your groove making positive content that highlights the struggles that we all go through on the journey to greatness...or even just survival. I'm sure there will be some contingent of people that will be upset to see you "capitulate" and "give in" but those people are beyond toxic and trust me when I say that they will ultimately hurt you more than help you in life even when it seems like they're some of the only ones there for you.
Your videos straight up got me completely out of nowhere into Goldeneye and PD, two games which have fundamentally changed my life over the course of the last few years. Even though I felt very strongly about your actions, it hurt me to feel that I couldn't in good faith recommend your videos because of your behavior on/off the forums later on. I don't feel that way now and honestly the level of positivity put out in this post is inspiring me myself to be less negative (which I'll gladly admit I have been) on my streams and in my interactions with others.
If you want any help with PD Speedlore on the stages that I know anything about or have been involved with strat development in the future, feel free to let me know! I can't guarantee that I'll be of much use but there are definitely some things that I would love to help make understandable for the average video viewer instead of 1000IQ INTJ PD champs only, and I'd like to think that I have a very good technical understanding of many aspects of the game.
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My friends
Really nice to see that you took the time to reflect and improve. It's never easy to see and admit that oneself has been in the wrong.
Do you believe you would have been able to do this on your own or was it necessary for you to be called out? (the calling out should have been done in a way more constructive and less spiteful way though)
You are doing an amazing job of conveying the tension, passion and excitement of the stories you tell and I'm sure that with more help you can paint an even fuller picture. I always thought it would be great to have more of the guys who achieved certain records talk about them in your speedlore episodes.
... if these values were not at the core of a story or video, I wouldn’t make that video. This is why I no longer make videos “exposing” someone for cheating ...
I believe that "exposing" cheaters is part of "Elevate the feats & efforts of the deserving.", since achievements are only valued if those who claim them without valid proof are disregarded. I think you already did this, but maybe talk to the cheater beforehand and give them the chance to admit to it themselves.
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Great post goose. Got me emotional
I didn't need this post months ago to be clearified that you changed. I feel like it was obvious from what you were portraying in your videos, and what you were telling me with the few voice chats we had. The videos surrounding drama or negativity has drasticly decreased and you have focused more on peoples accomplishments
It's not easy to completely shift your view or behavior a complete 180. I admire that a lot. I'd love to do PD lore with you in the future as well. I have a webcam in the UK and an even better mic than before. Hope we can get something done that'll turn out positively for us all. Positivty is something i think we still need to learn and focus on in this community in general, myself included. Spread more good thoughts, helpful advice and good karma.
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I personally follow the Celebrate, Elevate, Emphasize, Bolster, Stimulate (CEEBS) system.
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I agree with Ricky that the change was pretty evident without this post, but I'd say that makes it even more valuable that you went ahead and made it anyways. Thank you for getting me into this game and community, and for celebrating our accomplishments reminding us why we speedrun in the first place. To celebrate success of ourselves AND others, and to enjoy the journeys that led to it. Much love
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Ceems good to me :LOL:
Not sure about CEEMI though, do you pronounce it like semi?
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It’s not an easy thing to acknowledge the past mistakes of one’s life that may have caused pain and hardship to others (not to mention oneself). But you have acknowledged it, and you’ve done the most valuable thing you can with those experiences: learn from them.
I can tell that you live the values that you mentioned in your post. It bleeds through in your more recent videos and speedlore episodes. This post wasn’t needed. But you did post it, and that makes your actions that much more sincere in my eyes.
You, along with Mr. Butler above, are reasons 1 and 1a that I’m here.
My arms have been open long before this post. Just allow me to make it official.
Welcome home Goose.
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Hi Ryan! It's cool to see you :)
I know we haven't always agreed, and many times I think you've been acting...well...horrible. To say the least. However, I think you deserve another chance. Why? Your shift in attitude recently to something much more positive. It's clear that you've reflected upon and learnt from your past mistakes. I hope you live up to your sound values (CEEMI) and I hope NOT to see any unnecessary drama etc from you in the future.
Sincerely,
AZ
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You've grown this community I think more than you can possible imagine. I can say for sure that I would not have joined The Elite without your remarkable videos and speedlores. It sounds like you have grown immensely as a person and I know I would love to see you more active again.
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Goose, I want to add to the posts of others thanking you for your reflection.
Friends who have watched me grow in this community have heard me mention your speedlore videos as the reason I got into GE speedrunning in the first place. I became interested in speedrunning in August of 2012 when I was looking for a distraction to keep me sane while completing my residency applications. I had considered participating myself, but the long hours of residency kept me as a spectator for a while, and wasn't sure what game I could commit myself to for the number of hours required to truly develop skill in this hobby.
When studying for my board qualification exam in 2017, I was again looking for sanity-maintaining distractions and found the nascent speedlore series. Finally, a video series that would teach me not only about the strategies and how they evolved, but also showcased the stories of the players who developed those strategies and pushed the game to its limits! After watching the Depot episode, I knew I was hooked.
As a direct consequence of your speedlore videos, I picked up GE in August of 2018 and started playing right away. I was still struggling to break the Dam 1:00 barrier, but just being a part of the community and watching my time rank improve was exciting. I completed the game on 00A for the first time (without cheats) and just kept going. Most of this time was spent toiling in obscurity, watching tutorial videos and lurking on the forums and in Discord.
The storm hit later that year.
The man who introduced me to a whole new way to play this game I had loved as a child was actually a piece of shit. I still remember discussing with my wife over dinner late November whether or not I should be a part of The-Elite, given the fallout and the permanence of the Internet, and how I didn't want to be associated with that toxicity. I eventually decided to keep playing with the realization that every community surrounding a hobby has its assholes.
I started to get active in the community and streaming on Twitch and, almost a year ago, reached out to you to join The-Elite's Twitch Team. I didn't know what to expect, but you welcomed me in without hesitation. I thought that accepting the invitation sent by the very person that got me started in speedrunning would bring it all full circle for me, but, while grateful, I was still left with a bitter taste in my mouth, considering the bullshit you were spewing before. Nonetheless, I found my niche in the community, participated in League 2019, and continued to push my times lower. I scored my first points, my first WR (RIP Runway 22), and broke the 500-point threshold by the end of the year before taking a break for a while.
Then I read this post today. Thank you. Thank you for introducing me to this community. Thank you for the edutaining content you continue to provide. Thank you for truly taking the time to reflect on who you are and who you want to be. I look forward to seeing whatever part of this next stage in your life you're willing to share.
Welcome back mate.