All I ever do all day is play Goldeneye, and I don't know why. Part of me wants a normal life, with friends to talk to, and a girlfriend, and sports, and total focus on schoolwork and s.hit like that. But every time I take the first steps towards that healthy, normal life, I find myself drawn back the Goldeneye. I mean, Christ, just yesterday I played Goldeneye for 11 shitfucking hours, the whole time on the same stage, and I didn't even PR. I'm probably devoting like 80 or more hours a week to playing GE.
God, I'm so depressed. The more I get depressed, the more I want to play GE and the more I play GE, the more I get depressed. It's all so depressing.
I don't know what I want. I want to play GE all day and forget about everything, but...oh damn, I just contradicted myself. It's probably GE's fault. Anyway, I know I should get a life and find a job and stuff, but if I do that then I won't have time for GE and I don't want that, but I do.
GE just has this sort of attraction. When I decide to not play, it screams out to me, "Play me, goddammit! PLAY ME YOU RETARD, WHAT THE F.UCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU'RE LOSING POINTS ON T-E.N AS WE SPEAK! YOU MIGHT GET A WORLD RECORD! PLAY MEEEEEEEE!!!!" So I play. I sometimes feel like I was meant to play GE, that GE is my purpose.
I am so torn. My whole life is confusing. One time, when I was trying not to play GE, I had this strange feeling come over me. I picked up the phone and dialed a totally random number, because I knew, I just knew from this feeling, that whoever picked up on the other end would understand what I was going through. As it turned out, I somehow dialed Africa and got a starving child who was infected with HIV on the other end. I told him my story of how I couldn't decide between playing videogames in my nice warm house for 11 hours a day growing fatter by the minute, or studying at school to make money and having friends and eventually living the good life. The poor starving African child with HIV listened quietly to my story, and by the end he was weeping at my misfortune. After our conversation was finished, the poor little African child with HIV went and choked himself to death to punish himself for wanting food when there were so many other people all around the world worse off than him.
I hope you guys understand what I'm going through.
