I hate that guy

[Cervone]

Most of the guards in GE suck. But some suck more than others. In fact, some fucking blow so hard that I'm gonna yell at them right now. Observe:

Dam: The right guard in the first tunnel. Backboost from him = automatic restart on all difficulties. Nuff said.  Also, on 00 the guards near the boxes right before the door to mf area both suck.
Runway: The little shit that gives you backboosts when you leave the key hut on 00.
Surface 1: The beserk sideboost dude on SA/00 after you do the first hut. Usually inspires a restart.
Bunker 1: They all suck on 00, but I hate the guy next to the far cam the most. He always gets excited on good runs, chases after me, and finally nails me as I'm taking out the final cams.
Silo: All of them on all difficulties. But especially, er...... all of them.
Frigate: For agent it's the nade dude. For SA/00, it's any guard that doesn't die after you've shot him a few times.
Surface 2: The first guard obviously. Watch my 00 1:34 if you need proof...
Bunker 2: On 00, the guy next to the safe can be a bastard. Also on SA too, the 2 guards near the glass door blow.
Statue: None are that bad, but getting stuck on one of the running guards on the return to the heli can be very frustrating.
Arch: The dude who opens the door at the end of the shoot your gun hallway.
Streets: Kf7s on the last roadblock....
Depot: The 2 guards that you get stuck on in the main room (the guy next to the key, and the guy at the corner after you shoot mfs). But they're not all that bad really...
Train: All of them are gay, but in particular, anybody giving a backboost in first room, or a forward when you're taking out the brake. Or, if there's a guy behind the box you blast through in the second room. Or, a guard that hits you as you're doing last brake. Or, the two guards in Nat's car. So they're all gay, yeah...
Jungle: Not so bad here, but I think I hate the first 2 guards more than any other. They guy after drone after Xen sucks some too.
Control: Anybody that does something gay. Lots of guards are capable of this... I guess the first room guards have the most potential for this, but I don't hate them that much honestly.
Caverns: All the hat guards, and also the obj B guards on 00, and the dude after the first comps for obj A SA/00.
Cradle: Who cares...
Aztec: All of them, especially the guy behind far silver crates in second room.
Egypt: Getting hit whiel about to shoot second baron kinda sucks.

Overall (the gayest of the gay): I've gotta say it's the guy behind the far silver crates in the second room of Aztec. There are a few on Dam who give this guy a run for the money, and many on Silo as well, but this Aztec dude takes the cake. The bottom line is, if you don't kill this guy, you can kiss your chances of surviving the run goodbye. rhym'd

[GoldenGreg007]

no guards you don't like on facility?

[Infected Mind]

CRADLE:

 THE MOTHERFUCKING @#%$ WHO SHOT ME ON CRADLE 00 AS I WAS RUNNING DOWN THE FINAL STAIRCASE AND KILLS ME AFTER I GOT A @#%$ NADE THAT KILLED TREV. THE GUARD IS THERE LIKE .0001% OF THE TIME, AND HE HITS YOU LIKE 2% OF THE TIME. I HATE THAT GUARD ON CRADLE. WATCH THE VID FOR MORE CAPS LOCK FRUSTRATION

[Wyst3r]

Train: The motherfuckin guard(s) at second last alarm(If he's there) who just loves to boost you when doing last alarm unless you decide to do it the slowish way. Also the 2 guards before Ouromov, They are very fond of ducking in the doorframe.

Aztec: Actually the crate guy aint that bad Imo, After all it's your own fault if he doesn't die(00A/SA). So my votes goes to the guys who finally opens the nice glass but shoots your ass like berserks and kills you or almost does before you've even entered the glass. And if you get past, They shoot you as you do obj A = Screwed.

Control: The loosers in drone room who doesn't want to die after explosion. Always seems to hit you.

Facility: Hallway before Doak, The guy who almost always boosts you into the right wall. Very annoying.

[matt8k]

i'm surprised no one mentioned
Facility: on 00, the guards in the long hallway after the fast opening door (the hallway where you boost with a mine)

[bcks]

I hate any guard that doesn't die when i shoot him.

[Matis]

The guards on jungle 00 can go to hell.  When killing the first gaurd i shoot all 7 bullets and abou 5 hit his gun and the other 2 go to i dont even have a clue.
@#%$ aztec guards too.

[wishiwasfamous]

No nade guard on s2...

[Infected Mind]

Dam
- Right tunnel guard, back boosting ass
- 2nd tower guard, likes to back boost you at the end of your sa runs
- cinema guard, he likes to make u restart insantly with his cinema

Facility
- Doorway to Console guard at start, he likes to block the doorway on your exit
- Guard near doak, awkward sideboost almost all the time

Runway
- Backbooster on way to tank

S1
- Awkward sidebooster on way to safekey
- Tower Guard, he was there on both my 153s, making me break strafe to kill him on the stairs

B1
- Guard at bottom of stairs, he likes to backboost me on SA
- Guard at the door, likes to back boost me at the very end

Silo
- They are equaly annoying

Frigate
- Nade guard on agent
- Guard at stairs, really likes to block the path
- Guards who suck up 5 shots and live

S2
- Nade guard
- KF7 Guard on DLTK by the sat tower

B2
- Safe Key guard #2
- Keycard guard for exit

Statue
- Guard on Return who sometimes makes you break strafe to avoid

Archives
- Guard that opens door to library
- Guard who back boosts you by the last bookshelf

Streets
- Kf7 2nd road set
- GL guard on sa/00 at start who kills you right after val

Depot
- Guard right after 2nd MF who blocks your path
- Guard who warps the train and/or roller door after TS

Train
- Group orgy in the small brake room

Jungle
- Guards who suck up 7 shots with gun
- Guard after xenia drone who back boosts you a fair bit

Control
- Rolling guards in first room

Caverns
- Catwalk back booster
- left guard in 2nd console room
- Radio room guards who do gay @#%$

Cradle
- Guard at end

Aztec
- Glass Guards

Egypt
- 2nd baron guards who are both still there and interupt your shot

[Boss]

I might go on a limb and say the first Control room guards are the worst in the game.  I threw a controller because of them, and the Train guard before last brake (think Henrik mentions him) sucks and the 2 before Nat.  Silo isn't that bad other than the silver crate guards.

[typosaur]

I am usually quite patient when playing GE, and I don't get very aggressive when failing. But, stupid ass guards can get me ticked off for sure. I generally hate every guard in the game that is capable of BLOCKING MY STRAFE. Sure, I get angry when they hold me back for like 1 to 5 seconds, but the real aggression comes alive when I look up RIGHT into their UGLY face, standing there like a @#%$ RETARD pointing their gun in the sky. Levels I particularly experience this madness on: Frigate (SA, 00), Train, Silo, Caverns, among others.
I bet everyone has had this horrible experience, and hate it just as much as I do. It's the part of GE I hate the most.

I guess I might also mention the first Control room, where the guards at random times seem to be doing martial arts as well as running away to corners. They also block too many bullets with their crappy guns. It gets annoying when you empty a full clip on a guard, and he still doesn't die.

[Your Eliteness]

You can get some pretty retarded looking guards on PD... more than in GE, I think.

[wishiwasfamous]

Since nat's pretty gay, she counts as a guy, right? (i.e. archives when the door is wide open, and she fails to see you, little bitch).

[D N Clemens]

I like this topic.

Dam- I dont think words can describe the amount of guard gayness you experience on this level. The guard by the tower near the first alarm is the biggest piece of @#%$ ever, and then those 2 guards behind boxes by the big door in the basement are so annoying. Also any guard that blocks the tunnel so you cant get through. But overall, every guard is annoying here.

Facility- Not too bad except for the keycard guard and the guard that opens console room door. On agent this guard isnt a pain, but on SA/00A it can take me like 10 minutes jsut to get a good start because of these fags.

Runway- Nothing really here, except that guard on 00A if you use tank strat. But overall not much guard gayness. With nade strat i can imagine there being some, though.

Surface 1- 00A has probably the most annoying backboosts of any other level. Those 2 guards after GL hut are among the biggest fags in the entire game. You think you finally got through without bacxkboosting, then bang you get like 5 sideboosts and the run is over. Also the guards that backboost you after you leave the safe hut are annoying.

Bunker 1- Not too bad for me here. But i would say the computer room guards are the worst. One usually likes to roll or act gay, and then theres sometimes a few guards that mess around and screw your run after you finish the computer room up. Also i hate whenthat black hatted guard isnt lured earlier and stands by the 2nd cam, screwing your entire run since you usually wont be able to hit the cam (auto aim). I guess Boris is annoying here above all.

Silo- Very annoying crate guards by 2nd room door especially. I also hate the guard by the first guard you kill, who loves to boost you right by. Also the guard in the hall before the crate hall who loves to block your path. Crate hall sucks, too.

Frigate- WEell the hostage takers are insanely gay. Pretty much any guard that blocks your path or doesnt die after being shot 50 times.

Surface 2- None here really. I guess just the klobb guard by 3rd cam or tower KF7 guard is very gay on good runs (usually).

Bunker 2- I guess the first safe key guard is the gayest guard here, or the guard that opens the documents door on 00A (on good runs). Clipboardf guard is a fag. Also the guards by the glass door.

Statue- Trev is a fag, also side boosts after leaving trev or gay guards running in front of you on returns. Valentin is fat and annoying, too.

Archives- Not much here. Just a few random guards, especially during the mishkin meet.

Streets - lol this whole level is basically gay guards. I cant really pinpoint just one, because they all suck (especially on 00A). GL guard is gay on agent.

Depot- Guard that blocks your path when you leave the mainframe room, or the guards that open the train door (if they block your path or backboost you).

Train- Pretty much everybody, but especially the guards around the last 2 brakes or the 2 guards that are by Nat. I hate those fags.

Jungle- Not really sure.

Control- First room guards, crate guards, guard after crates, guard by door before blowing glass, drone room....ah @#%$ it, they all suck. But especially the crate guards.

Caverns- Pretty much every guard.

cradle- The guard that stands by trev in the building can be insanely annoying.

aztec- Far crate guard mostly, but glass door guards are gay too. Also guards in the exhaust room if one doesnt lure.

Egyptian- Nothing really. Just guards by 2nd baron on 00A mainly.

[SpiderWaffle]

guards are your friends, without guards the total time would be slower.

[flukey lukey]

Thats actually not completely true. Bryan was telling me that he got a 1:02 Caverns with Bond invisible on and 0:0 ratio. and don't go saying that the guards make 1:01 possible because nah, just nah

[Wouter Jansen]

many 00 would be tons faster without guards

[Boss]

No guards = less lag = you move faster = lower total time.

[Grags]

For me there are annoying guards on every level, but there's 1 guard that i hate more than any guard on the entire game. Thats the left guard in Obj B room on cavs SA/00. He has screwed me out of so many decent runs. I'm going to find and kill the programmer who thought it was a good idea to put him there.

Edit: Klobb guard on bunker 1 can kiss my ass too.

[ajbownes]

"You know, sometimes, Spiderwaffle, you can be quite perceptive and thought-provoking. And other times, like this, you can rant and drivel on like a complete loonie."

The guard with the key on Archives at the start is one who annoys me, as is the first one on Bunker 2.

[flukey lukey]

the guard with the key on archives is awesome!

its Nat who's gay, and the @#%$ who decides to throw grenades in the mishigan room

[Illu]

The guards can't do a thing to me anymore.

[flukey lukey]

so you're either really gone for good, or you're Invincible!

[TreAKAHotdog]

mishkin = michigan

[SpiderWaffle]

I've thought about the guards before as to whether or not the total time would be faster or slower without guards.  It's a pretty interesting thing to think about actually.  I thought guards overall speed up the total time.  This is mainly because of the levels where they really help.  Sure on most levels you'll be a second or two faster.

Dam: It's a guard which makes the double doors open both at the save time for you.  This saves about 4 seconds on all difficulties.

Facility: The guard which opens the door the labs saves 4-5 seconds on all difficulties.  Plus the guards which open the door the to the first door console room.

Surface 2:  On SA and 00 you save something like 15-20 seconds each because of the grenades the guards give you.

Bunker 2: The guard which open the first door for you and the locked door in the middle of the map saves like 10-15 seconds on all difficulties because otherwise you'd have to go around through the turrets.  Also on SA and 00 you can have a guard bring the clipboard closer to you.

Depot: The guards which open the last two doors for you saves 3 seconds all difficulties.  Plus on SA and 00 they blow up the mainframes for you.  Saves 1-2 seconds both difficulties.

Jungle:  Killing Xenia with pp7 and mines would suck.

Cradle: On SA and 00 guards give you grenades which lets you kill trev faster.  Saves about 5 seconds on both difficulties.

Aztec: The guards open the glass for you.  This saves about 20-35 seconds on all difficulties.  Also without guards you would have to kill Jaws with pp7.

Then there's a few levels where the guards save you time from their boosts:

Dam A
Facility A SA 00
Runway A SA
Surface 1 SA 00
Bunker 1 A SA
Bunker 2 A
Statue A SA 00
Archives A SA 00
Streets A SA 00

Then there's levels where the guards save you time from doing stuff like opening doors and boosts but they also slow you down by getting in your way and back boosting you.  On these levels the guards make a TAS faster but the human WRs aren't good enough to be benefiting from the guards.

Dam SA 00
Runway 00
Bunker 1 00
Silo A SA 00
Frigate SA 00
Bunker 2 SA 00
Jungle A SA 00
Caverns A SA 00


Then there's a few levels where I think even a TAS is slowed down by guards:

Train A SA 00
Control A SA 00  (cause you have to kill the guards in the beginning)
Egypt A SA 00  (they certainly don't help, so their lag slows you down)



So you're looking up to the 3:35 saved from all the significant things guards do to help you.  Sure you'll save 0-2 seconds on all levels just from lag and guards not being in your way but that's at most 2:00 saved.

[ajbownes]

I'd say that they save you a lot than 20-30 seconds on Aztec if you think about all the trailing backwards and forwards you'd have to do plus you'd probably have to do something about some of the guns in the middle room on higher difficulties.

[Wouter Jansen]

ok Blake that's by far your best post to date.

just consider that if you left the guards out, several missions would be different or else they couldn't be completed. like b2 you mention, how did you plan to get out? can't open glass door.. can't free Nat.. can't open safe.. stuff

so basically it's pointless even thinking about no guards at all, it's almost like poindering about how much we'd be faster if all the missions had no objectives etc.

[SpiderWaffle]

Without guards I would assume they would put the mission critical items in the game still, they would just sitting the on the ground where the guard normally spawns.

[Infected Mind]

The less guards, the less broken controllers.

not only does it save time, it saves money!

[D N Clemens]

The whole point of this topic was to discuss the guards which make speedrunning levels annoying. It seems stupid to discuss whether they would make the time faster if they didnt exist, because obviously nobody is going to make a video game without guards (it wouldnt make sense). So really, why are you even discussing this?

[SpiderWaffle]

So when I see this topic about much people hate guards I wanted to point out that guards make your times lower even though they are annoying.  So it's kind of ironic that's there's so much hate towards guards.

[Thiradell]

No, it's not ironic, because they described guards that don't benefit you. It's not like they dissed every guard in the game.

[D N Clemens]

Oh well this guy obviously has no hope.

[SpiderWaffle]

You don't find it ironic that through out course of this discussion board there have been hundreds of posts about hate towards guards, but I have yet to see one about appreciation towards guards, when guards actually help you more than they hurt you?

[Wouter Jansen]

they aren't aware of actually helping you completing missions faster thus the appreciation should be directed to their mors for bringing forth such brainless one-hit wonders.